I have been reflecting on the love of God and how that love relates to the chronic illness and pain that I have been experiencing for most of my life, without any relief. I suffer with an immunodeficiency, which, over the years has done irreversible damage to my lungs and liver, and which gives me excruciating gut and joint pain. I take doses of painkillers each day, and also opiod drugs twice daily, but there is no relief for the pain.
I continually have streptococcal pneumoniae, bronchiectasis, pseudomonas, upper respiratory infections and chronic sinusitis. I take massive doses of penicillin daily as a prophylactic and also have intramuscular penicillin injections. Every 28 days I have an intravenous injection of human antibodies, which is infused through a portacath on the right hand side of my upper chest. The immunoglobulin infusion should help me to avoid some of the infections, but it has very little effect. It would seem that I have had this immunodeficiency for most of my life, and I can recall as a child being regularly in doctor's surgeries getting prescriptions for what was diagnosed as bronchitis, pneumonia and lung infections. That was before immunology was a medical discipline.
Everything came to a head in 2008, when I was 66 years of age. I had been visiting specialist physicians in Hervey Bay as my health was deteriorating rapidly and I had severe weightloss. Eventually the specialists referred me to Wesley Private Hospital in Brisbane, and after a three week stay in hospital it was found that I had common variable immunodeficiency (CVID), a very rare primary immune deficiency.
I was referred to a clinical immunologist, who has his consulting rooms in the Sandford Jackson Building, Wesley Hospital and treatment was begun to work toward making me more comfortable. The specialists told me that nothing could be done as far as cure was concerned, but they would work toward making me comfortable and perhaps having a better quality of life. My immunologist has been a tremendous blessing; I have access to him whenever I need and he has been so understanding and helpful.
I look back through my 74 years and contemplate the physical problems that I have experienced and ask: "Where Is God?" Over the years I have found great comfort from the Scriptures and appropriating the words of the Epistle to the Hebrews "I will never, never, never leave you nor let you down." At 12 years of age I came to faith, when I realised that God loved me so much, that He sent His son, Jesus to this world, that those who believe in Him will have everlasting life. (John 3:16). I must confess that over the years I have been very unfaithful in following the commandments and claims of God on my life, but I am grateful that God has never let me down.
When I look back on my childhood I do not consider that I had an enjoyable one. When I was 18 years of age I married Tess who was the love of my life. Together we had five children and realised some of our short term goals. However I was absolutely gutted when she passed away with metastatic melanoma when I was almost 40 years of age. This was a time when I questioned my faith and asked the usual questions about why did God do this to me!
Over the months following Tess' passing I experienced an inner peace and an assurance that God still loved me and gradually my faith become stronger. I look back now at this time and see lessons I learned about dependence on God, acceptance of other people, the uncertainty of life, the inevitability of our own mortality, and many more. I went through this tragedy and eventually came out the other side stronger. I had to learn that there are no guarantees that life will be easy and calm, but there is the guarantee that God will never leave me. I married Beryl and we have had a wonderful married life and have celebrated 31 years of marriage.
One particular comment that I have found unhelpful as a chronic illness sufferer, is when people say that I am looking well. Very often I have felt very unwell on the days people have made this comment.
Over the centuries people have found much comfort from the Psalms, finding the messages from the Psalms a source of comfort. For a person dealing with chronic physical or emotional pain, the Psalms present another level of comfort. Those who have a strong belief in God and also endure a chronic illness, probably have struggled with their faith. The question asked could be: "Why hasn’t God made me well?" The fact that one's physical pain remains day after day, month after month, or even year after year, may well cause heavy discouragement.
It would be easy to assume that if one seeks to live by God’s will and loves Him, God will always relieve that one’s physical suffering. Yet, there you are still bound by pain, disease or disability. Does the lack of physical relief mean that there is something wrong spiritually? It is also easy to assume that because I try to serve, honour and worship God, that he should make me well when I am suffering from illness or pain.
It is right to read the Psalms for comfort and encouragement, but sometimes I fail to notice that several of these beloved Psalms speak about people of faith who suffer from chronic illness. It does not take one long when reading the Psalms to notice that a number of these songs speak about people of faith who suffer from chronic illnesses.
It seems to me that you have to experience trouble before comfort means anything. The point I am trying to make is that we all want to experience the comforting love of God, yet we would rather avoid needing that comfort. Comfort is meaningless if we have no heed for it. I can't help but think of St Paul who mentioned that he suffered from a "thorn in the flesh". What this "thorn" was is anyone's guess, but the lesson God wanted to teach him was that God's grace is sufficient for every thing that happens in our life and His mercy shows up best in weak people! 2 Corinthians 12:8-10: Three times I begged the Lord to make this suffering go away. But he replied: "My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak." So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. Yes, I am glad to be weak, or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong.
In the following Psalms there are three messages:
1: Christians experience troubles;
2: God is fully aware of our sufferings, there are no secrets from God;
3: God sometimes chooses to give only spiritual comfort. That is a different course of action that we often expect from God.
Turn and come to my rescue. Show your wonderful love and save me, LORD. If I die, I cannot praise you, or even remember you. My groaning has worn me out. At night my bed and pillow are soaked with tears. Sorrow has made my eyes dim, and my sight has failed because of my enemies.
And this song concludes with an uplifting sense of hope and relief:
You, LORD, heard my crying, and those hateful people had better leave me alone. You have answered my prayer and my plea for mercy. My enemies will be ashamed and terrified, as they quickly run away in complete disgrace.
I look back through my 74 years and contemplate the physical problems that I have experienced and ask: "Where Is God?" Over the years I have found great comfort from the Scriptures and appropriating the words of the Epistle to the Hebrews "I will never, never, never leave you nor let you down." At 12 years of age I came to faith, when I realised that God loved me so much, that He sent His son, Jesus to this world, that those who believe in Him will have everlasting life. (John 3:16). I must confess that over the years I have been very unfaithful in following the commandments and claims of God on my life, but I am grateful that God has never let me down.
When I look back on my childhood I do not consider that I had an enjoyable one. When I was 18 years of age I married Tess who was the love of my life. Together we had five children and realised some of our short term goals. However I was absolutely gutted when she passed away with metastatic melanoma when I was almost 40 years of age. This was a time when I questioned my faith and asked the usual questions about why did God do this to me!
Over the months following Tess' passing I experienced an inner peace and an assurance that God still loved me and gradually my faith become stronger. I look back now at this time and see lessons I learned about dependence on God, acceptance of other people, the uncertainty of life, the inevitability of our own mortality, and many more. I went through this tragedy and eventually came out the other side stronger. I had to learn that there are no guarantees that life will be easy and calm, but there is the guarantee that God will never leave me. I married Beryl and we have had a wonderful married life and have celebrated 31 years of marriage.
One particular comment that I have found unhelpful as a chronic illness sufferer, is when people say that I am looking well. Very often I have felt very unwell on the days people have made this comment.
Over the centuries people have found much comfort from the Psalms, finding the messages from the Psalms a source of comfort. For a person dealing with chronic physical or emotional pain, the Psalms present another level of comfort. Those who have a strong belief in God and also endure a chronic illness, probably have struggled with their faith. The question asked could be: "Why hasn’t God made me well?" The fact that one's physical pain remains day after day, month after month, or even year after year, may well cause heavy discouragement.
It would be easy to assume that if one seeks to live by God’s will and loves Him, God will always relieve that one’s physical suffering. Yet, there you are still bound by pain, disease or disability. Does the lack of physical relief mean that there is something wrong spiritually? It is also easy to assume that because I try to serve, honour and worship God, that he should make me well when I am suffering from illness or pain.
It is right to read the Psalms for comfort and encouragement, but sometimes I fail to notice that several of these beloved Psalms speak about people of faith who suffer from chronic illness. It does not take one long when reading the Psalms to notice that a number of these songs speak about people of faith who suffer from chronic illnesses.
So think about this . . .
St Paul, writing to the Corinthian church, refers in the second letter to the Corinthian Christians, 2 Corinthians chapter 1 that they have the opportunity to experience spiritual comfort from God when they endure troubles. Therein lies a concept which is foreign to many: Christians can have troubles, enduring or chronic ones.In the following Psalms there are three messages:
1: Christians experience troubles;
2: God is fully aware of our sufferings, there are no secrets from God;
3: God sometimes chooses to give only spiritual comfort. That is a different course of action that we often expect from God.
I: Psalm 6
Don't punish me, LORD, or even correct me when you are angry! Have pity on me and heal my feeble body. My bones tremble with fear, and I am in deep distress. How long will it be?Turn and come to my rescue. Show your wonderful love and save me, LORD. If I die, I cannot praise you, or even remember you. My groaning has worn me out. At night my bed and pillow are soaked with tears. Sorrow has made my eyes dim, and my sight has failed because of my enemies.
And this song concludes with an uplifting sense of hope and relief:
You, LORD, heard my crying, and those hateful people had better leave me alone. You have answered my prayer and my plea for mercy. My enemies will be ashamed and terrified, as they quickly run away in complete disgrace.
II: Psalm 8:
I often think of the heavens your hands have made, and of the moon and stars you put in place. Then I ask, "Why do you care about us humans? Why are you concerned for us weaklings?" You made us a little lower than you yourself, and you have crowned us with glory and honour.This song is a contrast between the frailty of humankind and the majesty of God.
III: Psalm 10:
Why are you far away, LORD? Why do you hide yourself when I am in trouble?The author felt alone, helpless, overwhelmed by trouble and grief. This feeling is familiar to those who have chronic pain or illness and suffering. But as we read this song, the author is able to find bolstering for his spirit, but not necessarily for his body.
IV: Psalm 11:
The LORD is my fortress! . . . The LORD knows everything we do because he sees us all.The song writer sees God as a "safe place" for him . . . like a bird that can take to the air and fly high above any threat.
V: Psalm 23:
This well-known and much loved song speaks of "walking through the valley of the shadow of death" or alternatively "through the darkest valley" without anxiety It declares a person can be restored, refreshed in spirit, while greatly challenged physically!I would suggest the following Psalms would be very worthwhile reading:
Psalm 25:16-17; Psalm 31:7, 9, 10; Psalm 32:3-4; Psalm 34: 6, 8, 15, 17-19; Psalm 38 (this is an incredible song!); Psalm 41; Psalm 42, 43, 57 and 63; Psalm 72:12-14; Psalm 77 (sleepless nights, long hours of self-analysis and growing discouragement); Psalm 84; Psalm 88:15 (a person with a life-threatening illness since childhood; fatigued and depressed); Psalm 102 (stressed out, loss of appetite due to discouragement, poor sleep patterns).
The longest Psalm in the Bible is Psalm 119 and a favourite for many readers. But there is chronic illness language in this Psalm - "I am laid low in the dust", "My soul is weary with sorrow", "My soul faints with longing for your salvation", "I have suffered much", "Trouble and distress have come upon me", "My eyes stay open through the night".
As I have read through the Scriptures over the years I find no Biblical justification for the idea that all people of faith are quickly relieved of all trouble or suffering. But God does promise that He will never leave His people, even if they feel alone, and they can always find peace of mind and the spirit.
And so I conclude that a person can find strength and spiritual health through the kindness and mercy of God.
1 Peter 5:7 God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.
The Rev Dr Ronald Just BTh MPhil, ArtsD(Theol)
Ordained: New Tribes Mission (Australia), July 1967
Ordained and credentialed: New Covenant International Ministries Fellowship, 1995
Ordained and credentialed: New Covenant International Ministries Fellowship, 1995
