Psalm
42:1-3 (Contemporary English Version):
Longing for God
As a deer gets thirsty
for
streams of water,
I truly am thirsty
for
you, my God.
In my heart, I am thirsty
for you, the living God.When will I see your face?
Day and night my tears
are
my only food,as everyone keeps asking,
“Where is your God?”
I am writing this article, which will
eventually get placed on my blog site, to put into words reflections that lie
heavy upon my mind. As some of you who will be reading this are aware, I suffer
with an immunodeficiency. I am unable to make sufficient serum immunoglobulins,
and those I do make are rubbish. This is why I receive human immunological
replacement every 28 days. I have a portacath on my right side with a line
going into my superior vena cava. The human immunological replacement is
infused through my portacath and is done in a clinic at the Maryborough Public
Hospital in the supportive therapies unit. The infusion takes about three and
a-half hours to complete and should give me benefit for a number of days.
However, in honesty it seems that the effect of this infusion only lasts for
three or four days, one week at the most. I also have an intramuscular penicillin
injection during the infusion.
I have a brilliant immunologist who has been
reviewing my case every three months for the past eight years. He shares my lack of
expectation to have relief from these problems, basically because over the
years much damage has been done to my lungs, liver and gut.
I take a cocktail of drugs twice daily, which
includes opioids, a total of 1000mg of penicillin, nerve pain relief, panadol
and occasional extra drugs as prescribed by my health professionals, depending
if an opportunistic infection had sprung up. All this will continue for the
rest of my life. I also have severe ulcers on my tongue and have had this
problem for 18 years at least. This is caused by my immunodeficiency and is
also irreversible and incurable.
What has motivated me to write this article
is because people have said to me that surely God would intervene and heal me,
or intervene and guide my health professionals to give me a drug or some
medication that will bring relief from the constant pain in my mouth, gut and
liver. Some people find it difficult to understand that genetic disorders are
mostly incurable and whatever drugs or over-the-counter remedies one uses they
are mostly ineffective.
Over the years I have been given much advice
and suggestions on things that could possibly help me and give me relief.
Herbal medication has been suggested, colloidal silver and many other ideas.
Unfortunately these suggestions will not replace non-existent immunoglobulins,
particularly as there is a fair amount of evidence that the immunodeficiency is
genetic. The technical name for my immunodeficiency is “granulomatous variant of common
variable immune deficiency.”
I must say that I do not believe that God has
abandoned me, or let me down. In fact I am absolutely convinced that he has
not! I have lived a life that has had a lot of struggles and over the years I
have found that God is, to me, an ever-present help in times of trouble.
When I pray to God about my health it is basically for strength from God to get me through each day as it comes. I guess that I can testify to God’s grace, mercy and love. I am not boasting, because this is not happening because of my own initiatives or endeavours but because God is being who he is, a Sovereign God. I have accepted that God is Sovereign Lord of my life and I must let him work in my life entirely as he wishes to do.
When I pray to God about my health it is basically for strength from God to get me through each day as it comes. I guess that I can testify to God’s grace, mercy and love. I am not boasting, because this is not happening because of my own initiatives or endeavours but because God is being who he is, a Sovereign God. I have accepted that God is Sovereign Lord of my life and I must let him work in my life entirely as he wishes to do.
My faith journey began when I was about 12
years of age, when I felt God was reaching out to me and calling me to himself.
I accepted by faith the salvation offered to me through Jesus Christ. The sinless
Christ, who had become incarnate and at 30-odd years of age was crucified for
the sins of humankind, and three days later rose from the dead showing his
victory over sin and death, was interested in me and manifests his love and
grace to me daily. I definitely did not deserve God’s grace, but the
Scriptures state that “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for
us.”
I was a foster child, and my foster mother
took me as a newborn. Life for me as a child and an early teenager had its ups
and downs, and there were many painful experiences during this time. I left my
foster home when I was around 16 years of age, and for some time I was really a
homeless person, although I was fortunate in always having somewhere warm to
lay my head. During the time of my fosterhood I felt a strong sense of
abandonment, particularly as I was told that I did not really belong in the
family. This message was reinforced many times by my foster parents.
During my childhood and until I was in my
late thirties I suffered from severe migraine headaches. I actually experienced
a migraine about every two weeks, and the drugs I was given caused me to sleep
for at least 24 hours. It was a debilitating experience.
The Psalm that I quoted at the beginning of
this article was written by Psalmist David, at a time when he was at a very low
point in his life. As I look at people like David, and other people in the
Christian Scriptures I try to learn from their example of how they dealt with
the problems of their life and also their dependence upon God.
Psalm 42 is a cry of a man far removed from
the outward ordinances and worship of God, sighing for the long loved house of
his God, but at the same time it is the voice of a spiritual believer, under
depression, longing for the renewal of the divine presence, struggling with
doubts and fears, but yet holding his ground by faith in the living God.
King
David’s son, Absalom had led a revoIt against his father, King David, and this
resulted in King David having to flee for his life from Absalom at this time in
his life.
So imagine what is happening here: The great
King, the mighty warrior, the successful patriot, exiled from his kingdom and
nowhere to turn. He desires to feel the presence of God with him, but to David
it seems that God is nowhere around. Those around him began to ask David, “Where
is your God?” insinuating that God had left him, had abandoned him, and
no longer heard is prayers.
This question caused King David to reflect on
the days that had gone by. He is effectively saying: “I sigh as I think of happier
days when you, God, was near me and every heart seemed to be tuned to praise
you. No-one was more blessed than I was”.
King
David remembers the days when he went with the multitude to the temple. He
recalls vividly the voices of praise and joy that was heard. But now these
people are saying to King David, “Where is your God now? Where is your God
when you need Him?”
Perhaps we should consider a few more
examples from the Scriptures.
If we were to read the Book of Job, in the
Old Testament, we would notice that Job felt isolated from God. In reading about
Job we learn that he was a man of integrity whose trust was in God. His ways
were perfect. His life was above reproach. There was no incriminating evidence
found in his life. Yet in the space of a few hours he was reduced from a
wealthy man to a poor miserable person who had lost everything he had. The Book
of Job tells us that he was reduced to sitting in sackcloth and ashes covered
from the top of his head to the soles of his feet with boils. Where
is God when you need Him?
Then there is the story of Joseph who was the
son of Jacob. Joseph was regarded highly by his father, and Scripture records
that he was so highly regarded that a coat of many colours was made for him.
This caused his brothers to be jealous of him, and he was sold by them as a
slave and he ended up in Egypt, falsely accused and thrown into prison. Where
is God when you need Him?
Then there is the story of Moses whom God sent
to Egypt. Moses was given the task by God to lead the Israelite slaves out of
bondage in Egypt, and into the promised land. As we read the story of Moses we
see that God worked marvellous things through Moses, and eventually the
Israelite slaves were set free. We do not know how many Israelites left Egypt
but it was a great number. At that time the Israelites did not have the Torah
(the five books of Moses) because they were not written, and the Ten
Commandments had not been given by God to Moses. The Scriptures however,
records that the escaping Israelites came to the Red Sea. They were cornered
like an animal in a cage, and Pharaoh’s army was behind them, mountains on both
sides and the Red Sea in front. Where is God when you need Him?
In the New Testament, in the Gospel of St
John, chapter 11, we have the story about the raising of Lazarus from the dead.
Mary and Martha’s brother was deathly sick. They sent word to Jesus that he may
come heal him. Jesus didn’t come when they expected him. Lazarus died and was
buried. Jesus was their friend, but he did not come when he was needed. Where
is God when you need him?
In another instance in the Gospels we read
that the disciples were having fellowship with Jesus. He constrained his
disciples to get into the fishing boat and sail to the other side of the Lake
of Galilee. Suddenly a massive storm sprang up, but Jesus was asleep in the
boat. The reaction of the disciples was one of despair and fear. Doesn’t Jesus
care that we are going to perish in this storm? The storm is raging, the wind
is blowing, the waves are coming over the ship. Where is God when you need him?
I would suggest that for most of us when we have trials, suffering, sorrows and
the problems of life, we ask ourselves the question Where is God when you need him?
There
are times when things have been good, when you have been blessed, when your
needs have been met, delivered from harm’s way, and a host of other things.
These good times have not been the result of your own efforts, but are evidence
of a power outside of yourself, taking care of you and guiding your life.
But the time comes when you are in a mess,
you are now in this trial of life. You are having financial problems, you have
lost a loved one, you are facing troubles like you have never experienced
before. Where is God when you need him?
Let
us return to where we started this blog. Let us look again at Psalm 42. In
verse 11 David says:
Why am I discouraged?
Why am I restless?
I trust
you!
And I will praise you again
because you help me,
And you
are my God.
King David exhorts his readers: Put your
trust in God. Place your confidence in God.
Psalm
42, verse 8:
Every day, you are kind,
and at
night
you give me a song
as my prayer to you,
the
living LORD God.
Here
are a few more Scripture verses that I find very encouraging and helpful:
Joshua
1:5: Joshua,
I will always be with you and help you as I helped Moses, and no one will ever
be able to defeat you.
Hebrews
13:5: The Lord has promised that he will not leave us or desert us.
Psalm
37:25:
As long as I can remember,
good people have never
been left helpless,
and their children have never
gone begging for
food.
Earlier
we mentioned Job. He lost everything he had. He couldn’t find God. God seemed
to be a million miles away. However, we read in Job 13:15:
God may kill me, but still
I will trust him
and offer my defence.
These
words did not come from Job when everything was going well, but he said them
when everything looked hopeless and gloomy.
When thoughts come to your mind when you are
in the midst of trial and you ask the question Where is God when you need him? you
can respond, “He’s where He’s always been, and where He always will be, right by my
side. I trust Him to guide and direct me through this dark trial and I will
come forth as gold.”
While Joseph was sitting in the dark prison, God
didn’t forget him. God didn’t forsake him. God knew where he was. And in God’s
own perfect time he came on the scene.
Remember Moses? Stranded by the Red Sea with
many Israelite slaves, with nowhere to run.
Where was God? He was getting ready to implement his plans! You know the
story, the waters departed and the people of Israel walked over to the other
side on dry ground!
Remember Mary and Martha? They called for
Jesus to come, but he just ignored their request. However, just when they
thought all hope was gone, Jesus came on the scene. For you see, even death
cannot stop Jesus. He is the resurrection and the life!
Where was Jesus? He was aware that death had
taken Lazarus.
He was aware the storm was about to destroy
the disciple’s boat.
He was aware that Joseph was in that Egyptian
jail.
He was aware that Job lost all he had and was
sitting in agony scraping the boils on his body.
And He is aware what you and I are facing today!
He
is aware what you and I are going through.
Quoting
again from the Book of Job, chapter 23 verse 10:
But he knows what I am doing,
and when he tests me,
I will be pure as gold.
I
willingly admit that there are times when it seems that God is a million
galaxies away. There are times when I feel that he is not around anywhere. But
he is!
I may not feel him right now, but he is as
near as the breath I breathe. I can put my confidence and trust in a loving and
merciful God. He will never leave me or forsake me.
I know he has a plan for my life regardless
of how dark it may be. He still has plans to mold me into a vessel he can use
for his glory.
I
know He is much aware of all my pain and anxieties. He is aware of my times of
loneliness. He is aware of the trials I face each and every day. He knows how
you feel inside, really he does!
And he is right here with me. All I have to do
is reach out to him. Draw near to God and he will draw near unto you.
Finally: It makes me wonder sometimes how
arrogant we can be. We tend to live our life the way we want, without any
regard to God and his claims on our life. Then we expect him to come to our aid
when we are in need of comfort and support in our life. Then when things don’t
seem to work out the way we want, we then blame God for not being there when we
need him, or in some cases we doubt his very existence.
But at the end of the day, God hasn’t moved.
He is still loving, patient, merciful and gracious.
He wants us to put our faith and trust in
him.